Corporate media has been elbowing the country further and further right for decades, normalizing reactionaries as political players, championing status quo expressions of gay culture that conform to het models–marriage and military service–and, since the birth of second wave feminism, portraying feminists as so unsexy and unfunny they will steal your orgasms. The antics of 45 and his administration deserve contempt. The office is meaningless when its avowed ambition is to destroy government.

A friend lied. It was startling and felt like old knowledge, and I was reminded of the robots in Westworld, whose minds are wiped each day so they can keep performing the same scenario and who experience flashbacks of memories that have been programmed into them.

I had agreed to teach two classes I did not meet. I had registered for two courses I did not attend. Had I been paid for the classes? I would not qualify for the degree. Panic rose like water in a submerged car, and it was stunning the combination of despair and indifference.

When my sister comes for a visit, I become more human. She says, “I was not happy when you arrived. I told mom and dad, ‘My heart hurts,’ and I pumped my fist against my chest. The doctor took me aside and said, kindly, ‘You’re lying, right?'”